“A good apology has three parts: 1. ‘I’m sorry’; 2. ‘It was my fault’ and 3. ‘How do I make it right’. The last part tells about your sincerity.”
– Randy Pausch
If a good apology consists of three parts, I wonder if a good forgiveness also consists of several parts. I wonder if a good forgiveness could also ever be formulated, just like a good apology above.
Supposedly, a good forgiveness can also be formulated. Firstly, there is ‘I forgive you’. Secondly, there is ‘It’s okay’. Then I wonder if a good forgiveness has the third part, which tells our sincerity. I wonder if there are words or sentences to show our sincerity, or insincerity. After all, I guess not.
I guess it is pretty much easy to say ‘I forgive you’ and ‘It’s okay’ without us really meaning it. Often times, we say ‘I forgive you’ and ‘It’s okay’ just because we think they are the right words to say at that moment, to that person.
In many cases, we used to say ‘It’s okay’ while in fact we are not okay at all. After all, we decided to bury the wounds deep inside our heart. However, I learned it in a hard way: burying wounds does not make things easier, nor would amend anything.
Wise men say to forgive then forget. I think they are right.
The forgiving part is pretty much clear, but I often heard people complaining about the forgetting part. “How can human forget something really painful? It just doesn’t make sense. We have our brains for reasons, and forgetting is not one of them.” Yes, I absolutely agree. However, I don’t think forgetting means literally forgetting. I think forgetting means ‘to never bring it up again’; ‘to completely forgive’; to accept the fact that people can make mistakes, just like we do – to never bring it up again tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, next 10 years, next argument, next 100th time argument, ever.
I guess forgiving is one hell of a job, but forgiving is also one of the highest forms of love.